


Love, Actually

by alafaye



Category: Gravitation
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-27
Updated: 2012-02-27
Packaged: 2017-10-31 20:08:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/347895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alafaye/pseuds/alafaye
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>We all change, but is Eiri ready to change?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love, Actually

Eiri narrowed his eyes as he took a deep drag of his cigarette. Hidden in the shadows in the wings of the stage, he watched as Shuichi did a sound check for the performance that night. He looked around at the stagehands running about setting everything up to K's and Sakano's standards--Tohma's standards--and then Eiri turned his eyes to the two bands on center stage. He alone, it seemed, noticed the second band's singer watching Shuichi instead of looking out to the hall, how the girl's hands would often linger after a casual touch.

And Shuichi responded to all of it, probably unconsciously.

He threw the cigarette butt down on the concrete and stubbed out the remaining embers with the toe of his shoe. Another was quickly lit. He crossed his arms and waited until the band was given a few hours before the concert to relax. Or whatever it was that K had planned.

Soon enough, the hall's crew let the bands go and together, the seven musicians moved toward the back of the stage, where the band's dressing rooms were. Eiri moved quickly, using his longer legs to beat the musicians there and pulling Shuichi into the dressing room designated for Bad Luck. He heard the cries from Hiro and Suguru when they were locked out, but they quieted down when K let loose a couple of shots.

Shuichi was humming, digging into his bag for something, completely oblivious.

"Who's the other band?" Eiri asked as he put out his cigarette in a cup.

Shuichi looked up, head titled to the side like a curious puppy. "The other band? Oh, yeah, they're doing their own tour and Tohma thought it would help them if they did a concert with us when we both happened to be in the same city."

Eiri crossed the room to the chair by the far wall and crossed his legs when he sat down. What could he say now without making it seem like he was jealous? Which he wasn't. He just wanted to know how the other singer was and why she was touching Shuichi.

Shuichi was watching Eiri eyes darken while he was lost in thought. He put his bag down and walked over to Eiri, sitting by the writer's feet and putting his head on Eiri's knee. "She just broke up with her boyfriend. He didn't like that she had to be gone so long for the tour."

Eiri ran his fingers through Shuichi's hair, thinking to himself, "She needs to get laid."

Shuichi looked up. "What?"

Eiri felt himself pull away mentally. He wasn't really jealous and he didn't want Shuichi to think he was. "I saw her flirting with one of the crew here. She needs to get laid." Eiri really hadn't seen her doing that, but he wanted to make sure that Shuichi would think that the girl was looking elsewhere.

Shuichi looked confused for a moment before putting his head back down on Eiri's knee. "I think she's just lonely. Me and Hiro have been hanging out with her a lot so she doesn't feel too bad."

Eiri's fingers tightened where they had been carding through his lover's pink hair. "Really?"

Shuichi nodded. "Yes. I know what it feels like, to be away from a lover, and I hate that she has to go through this after the break up. It's her first tour, Eiri. It must be really difficult."

"Hn." Eiri wanted to have a cigarette, but with the room being small, Eiri didn't want the smoke to bother Shuichi's throat and lungs.

Shuichi lifted his head again and started to say something, but the door swung open and K burst in with his rifle. "Tohma wants to talk to you, Shuichi. He's here talking with the girls."

Shuichi stood and kissed Eiri on the cheek. "You'll be here, right? After the concert?"

Eiri shrugged and Shuichi sighed. "I love you, Eiri."

And then Shuichi was gone and Eiri was alone with his thoughts. For first time in some years, he didn't like them because they all meant that he was changing and his old self didn't want to.

~~~

_I'm sure he was jealous. He was too quiet and he never asks about the other bands we play with. But why didn't he just jump me like he usually does? By now I'd have a dozen hickeys and two orgasms. I wonder what's going on with him?_

Shuichi looked up into the balcony where he knew Eiri would be--if he had shown up--sitting with Tohma and frowned when there was no one with blond hair in the seats. _What is going on?_

He smiled when the lights came back up and hugged Kari as she and her band joined them for the last song. Behind them, their band mates started up the beat and they launched into the song that had been written for both bands as part of Tohma's PR plan. As he sang, he felt Kari's hands on him and her smiles which, even though they had been friendly the first time they sang together a couple of concerts ago, were now _too_ friendly.

The curtain came down and the bands let out sighs of relief, breaking up to head to their dressing rooms to get some water and change into street clothes. Shuichi stopped and turned when he felt someone tugging on his hand. "Kari?"

She blushed a little and smiled. "I wanted to ask if you wanted to get something to eat tonight. With me."

Shuichi sighed. "Listen, Kari. I know you know that I'm a relationship. With Eiri. You're a sweet girl and I might go out with you if I wasn't with anyone, but I am. I'm sorry."

She clenched her hands into fists and stomped her foot. Instead of looking like the twenty-three year she was, she looked six at that moment. "You can't tell me that what you have with that writer is a relationship! I heard he's still sleeping around with women behind your back and that he kicks you out of the house most of the time! That isn't a relationship, Shuichi!"

He sighed. He knew that almost no one understood what he shared with Eiri, but he didn't like that most people assumed that there wasn't enough to have a solid, committed relationship. And he knew that Eiri had stopped sleeping with anyone else long ago. "It doesn't matter if it is or not. And it doesn't matter if any of the rumors are true or not. I love Eiri and I won't cheat on him."

"It wouldn't even be cheating, Shuichi," she pleaded. "It's only a meal."

"But I know that you want it to be more than a meal, Kari," he said. He put his hands on her shoulders. "I know you're going through a rough time right now, between the concert and your ex dumping you, but give yourself a little time and then you'll find someone understanding who will love you the way you deserve to be loved."

Tears started streaming down her face and she ran off to the dressing room. Shuichi sighed and shook his head. He turned and started toward his own dressing room. Inside, Hiro was waiting for him.

"Did Suguru leave already?" Shuichi asked.

Hiro nodded. "Yeah. He said something about having dinner with his cousin." He frowned. "Are you okay, buddy?"

Shuichi nodded. "I think so. Kari just asked me out and I told her I couldn't." He went behind the curtained area and started peeling off his stage clothes. "She told me that I don't have a real relationship with Eiri."

"Like that matters," Hiro said. "You're committed to him, at least, and she knows that."

"I guess it didn't matter to her," Shuichi said. "Can you hand me my bag?"

The bag appeared around the curtain. "Isn't her band staying in town for a couple more days?"

"I think so. Why?" Shuichi pulled on his pants and his shirt. He picked up his bag as he went to sit on a chair to put on his shoes.

"Do you think you should tell Eiri about her?" Hiro asked.

"Eiri...knows," Shuichi said. He stopped tying his shoes. "I think."

"You think?"

"He was here earlier and he asked about her."

"I remember. Hey...why aren't you covered in hickeys? Doesn't he usually mark you when he gets jealous?"

Shuichi sighed. "He's not an animal, Hiro."

"Some days, I wonder."

"But he usually is all over me if he gets jealous. And I know he was." Shuichi finished tying his shoe and stood up. "I need something to eat. Let's get out of here and find something."

Later, after they had food in front of them, Hiro asked, "So why didn't he fuck you in the dressing room? I thought that was what you two were doing?"

"He was acting weird. Like he didn't want to be close to me and asking me who Kari is. He normally would've asked Tohma about her after fucking me."

They were silent for a little. "Are you going to call him?" Hiro asked.

"I want to." Shuichi sighed. "But I don't know what to tell him. He thinks that I don't know that he's jealous and I can't talk about her because it'll make things worse."

Hiro slung an arm around Shuichi's shoulders. "It'll work out, buddy. You'll see. It always does between you two."

But how long was it going for things to work out?

~~~

"Tadima!" Shuichi called out when he finally got the door open. He put his bags off to the side in case Eiri wasn't home so he wouldn't trip on them. He put his slippers on and went to Eiri's study, opening the door a little. Inside, Eiri was leaning back in his chair, smoking. The screen on his computer was black.

"Eiri?" Shuichi asked softly.

Eiri turned. "Hi."

Cautiously, Shuichi entered the study and sat in Eiri's lap. He sighed happily when Eiri hugged him. "We have a month off now," Shuichi said.

Eiri didn't say anything and Shuichi wondered if he was imagining the distance between them.

~~~

Eiri didn't object when Tohma let himself into his study the next day. He closed the laptop and grabbed a beer from the fridge Shuichi had put there specifically so Eiri didn't have to leave the study for the alcohol.

"Shuichi isn't his usual self lately," Tohma said. "Do you have any idea why?"

Eiri raised an eyebrow at his brother-in-law. "Why would I know? The brat is a mystery even to himself."

Tohma hmm'd. "The band Bad Luck had a duet with in Kyoto has left the label. It seems the singer is unable to handle the pressure of being in an up and coming band. They've joined a less well-known label and are getting themselves into the public eye more quietly."

Eiri didn't care even if it meant that the singer of the band wouldn't be around to flirt with Shuichi. Tohma kept talking.

"K overheard Hiro and Shuichi on tour and they were talking about how you weren't reacting the way you usually do when someone flirts with Shuichi. I wonder if that has anything to do with the way Shuichi has been acting lately."

And now Eiri knew why Tohma was there. He leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes.

"Eiri, I can't understand what it is like, being in a relationship with Shuichi, but I'm sure it's difficult. Is there anything you want to talk about?"

Eiri sighed. "No. There's not."

"Are you sure?"

Eiri looked at Tohma and wonder if he was, indeed, sure. "Yes."

~~~

A couple of days later, Tatsuha stopped in. "I need a place to stay for a couple of days. Ryu is going to be out of town and Shuichi said I could hang with him until Ryu comes home."

"Doesn't mean you get to stay here," Eiri said.

Tatsuha was quiet, looking at Eiri as though he could see beyond him. "Every one is worried about you, Eiri. Especially Shuichi. I won't ask you anything while I'm here, but...I won't tell anyone else anything or try to fix things if you do want to talk."

And before Eiri could say anything, Tatsuha started unpacking some stuff and putting them around the couch. Later on, when Shuichi hadn't come back from practice in the studio and it was almost midnight, Eiri sat down on the couch next to his brother.

"Do you ever worry that Ryuichi will leave you for someone his own age?" Eiri asked.

"Of course," Tatsuha answered. "But I also worry he'll leave me for someone whose father accepts his son. Or that Ryu will find someone who isn't a monk and easier to live with."

"Does he know that you used to stalk him?" Eiri asked.

"Yeah." Tatsuha looked confused.

"How...did he react?"

Tatsuha was quiet. "When he found out...he was upset. Mainly because I had stopped stalking him a couple of months before we got together."

"Why?"

"Because he said it was such a change in my behavior. But he eventually said that it didn't matter because it meant that I became more mature and tried to get to know him...like a guy who does some trial dates before deciding that he wants to get serious."

They were quiet. Tatsuha was playing some stupid game on his laptop and Eiri smoked. "When Shuichi was on tour, the band they met up with...the lead singer was flirting with him." Eiri stopped, his hands shaking. He didn't want to talk about this, but he trusted Tatsuha not to spill the beans to anyone else.

"In the past...I would've fucked him silly and made sure that everyone, including that little tart, knew who Shuichi belonged to. But...I didn't."

After a moment, Tatsuha asked the million dollar question. "Why?"

Eiri sighed. "I don't know. After I saw her flirting with him during the sound check, I took him into the dressing room and I was jealous...but it wasn't killing me. I didn't need to fuck Shuichi...because...I knew that she couldn't do anything with Shuichi. But..."

Tatsuha smiled. "Don't worry about it, bro. It just means that your trust in Shuichi and his feelings is secure."

"What?"

"You know, for sure, that there is no way that Shuichi will cheat on you. It means that your relationship with him has matured. Like how I matured just before I got together with Ryuichi and knew that Ryuichi would want someone who wasn't obsessed with him, who wouldn't stalk him. You realized that you didn't have to make sure that he wouldn't cheat on you and that everyone knew that he was yours because you know Shuichi."

~~~

Eiri sighed as the blank document on his computer waited for the words of the next chapter of his latest story. It would be waiting for a long time, then. Eiri found he couldn't concentrate on the story for his thoughts about his relationship with Shuichi.

He wondered if his brother was right, if he had grown so comfortable with Shuichi that he didn't need to "mark his territory". He thought about the phrase "the honeymoon stage" and wondered if he and Shuichi had gone past that. Unless the phrase only referred to sex and then that phrase wouldn't mean anything to him and Shuichi because they still regularly fucked like rabbits.

He looked over at his cell phone, plastered with the stickers that Shuichi had snuck onto it. How long ago was that? He picked it up and stared down at the people in the photo. Even back then, he knew he had been hiding a smile. It had been difficult holding onto his usual stoic attitude in the face of Shuichi's excitement. He also remember that it was odd for him to be happy that, for once, he had Shuichi completely to himself.

He leaned back in his chair and stared at the ceiling and the wisps of smoke from his cigarette. He knew that he was in a relationship with Shuichi, a real relationship. Not some passing interest, not a friend he fucked. He was a relationship with the brat--the kind where they let each other know if they weren't going to be home that night, if they were going to be late...the kind where they didn't think about cheating on the other person, where they didn't have to have sex because there was other things they could do together--things they enjoyed--, where they made sure their plans--short term and long term--didn't clash.

They were in a relationship where, if one of them had been a girl, they would have been engaged at least at this time, if not outright married.

Married. Eiri snorted. They'd never be married. He was sure they'd be dead before Japan would allow same sex couples to marry. But if they could...

Eiri shook his head and leaned forward to put out his cigarette. He would never marry Shuichi. He wasn't husband material, as his father constantly reminded him. But he knew he could be an amazing...Eiri shuddered at this thought...life partner.

He sighed and closed his eyes. If he knew that much about himself, then he knew for sure that Shuichi thought that, as well. And not just about Eiri--long before this, Eiri knew that Shuichi had his heart and life set on keeping Eiri. After all this time and after what Shuichi had said in the dressing room, Eiri knew he had his answer.

He smiled and started typing the next chapter of his story. It was calling for him to write it out. And later...well, later maybe he would tie Shuichi to the bed and mark him. Just for old times sake.

~~~

Eiri turned away from the computer screen when he heard the soft knock. "Shu?"

Shuichi walked further into the room and then stopped. "I'm worried about you, Eiri."

Eiri sighed and opened his arms. Shuichi took the invitation, but with less enthusiasm than he normally did. When Shuichi was settled and his arms wrapped tight around Eiri, he asked, "Did your therapist put you on a new medication?"

"No." Eiri paused, thinking. Should he tell Shuichi? "Shu..." He stopped, his throat closing up. He knew he needed to tell Shuichi, but not only could he not find the right words, but he suspected that the words--when they came, that is--would send Shuichi into a daydream state. He really wanted to get laid that night so he didn't want to have to try and seduce Shuichi out of a daydream.

While Eiri thought, Shuichi bit his lips for a few moments and then blurted out, "I'll love you even if you change a little, Eiri. I was confused when you didn't fuck me before our last concert and I would like for you to trust me if something is bothering you, but you don't have to."

Eiri took a moment to tuck his head into Shuichi's neck. The two lovers sat in the silence, each lost in his own thoughts. When Eiri finally spoke, Shuichi had to strain to hear him because Eiri was unwilling, it seemed, to lift his head from Shuichi's body.

"I just...Shuichi...I didn't fuck you in the dressing room because I trusted that you would not fuck her. I trusted you to tell her no because you know you're with me. I knew that you didn't doubt me, doubt...us. I didn't have to do anything to remind you that we're...in a relationship. I trusted you."

Eiri sighed and hung his head. "I know I'm still messed up in a lot of ways, Shuichi. And I know that sometimes my anger gets the best of me. I'm sorry for that. And I'm sorry that my medications make me worse sometimes. I wish I could just..."

Silence again reigned in the office. Shuichi moved after a few moments, sliding to the floor and looked up at Eiri. "I'm worried that I'm too energetic and spastic and dramatic for you, Eiri. I wonder sometimes if you'll meet a woman and decide she would be better for you. Because she would be able to give you a child and would be quiet and would have a set schedule and would listen to you when you laid down the rules."

Eiri cupped Shuichi's cheek. "We're both fucked up."

Shuichi smiled. "I really do love you, Eiri. Faults and all."

Eiri sighed and sat back in his chair. "But why?"

Shuichi's hands came to rest on Eiri's thighs. "Because you're fighting the demons that still haunt you. Because you take care of me even though I'm an idiot. Because I know that you want me around and want to love me one day the way you think I should be loved. And just because I do, Eiri."

Silence again. Shuichi sat again in Eiri's lap and kissed his lover's throat. "Make love to me, Eiri."

Eiri wrapped his arms around Shuichi and lifted his lover up. He walked them to the bedroom and slowly laid his brat down on the bed. He stripped his own clothes off quickly, but undressed Shuichi slowly. Each bit of skin that was revealed was kissed and sucked and worshipped. Shuichi sighed and gasped softly, body moving with Eiri's hands and mouth.

When Shuichi was naked, he moved to the center of the bed and opened his arms for Eiri. They kissed, soft and slow, hands roaming and caressing, welcoming. Shuichi pressed the lube into Eiri's hands and Eiri in turn wet his fingers with the liquid. He kept kissing Shuichi as his fingers tenderly eased open the tight muscles and slicked it enough.

He pushed Shuichi's legs around his waist and pushed into his lover's body. Shuichi wrapped his arms around Eiri and whispered, "Feel me, feel us, Eiri. Let go and feel it, Eiri."

Eiri moaned, rocking his hips and kissed Shuichi's throat and shoulder. He'd always been a physical lover and even from the beginning, he had known that there was something different about fucking Shuichi. Something unnamed, something that wasn't only an emotion or sensation. He could feel it, exactly what Shuichi was talking about--the connection they'd always had.

When Shuichi reached for his cock, Eiri lifted himself up onto his elbows and watched as Shuichi fell apart in his arms. As he nearly always did, Eiri came from the sight alone and he grabbed at Shuichi, wanting to keep the connection strong.

"Love you, Eiri," Shuichi mumbled.

Love. Right. Maybe...Tatsuha and Shuichi were right. "Love you, brat," he said softly, almost too soft to be heard. But Shuichi tightened his arms in response and Eiri knew...Shuichi was his just as he belonged to Shuichi.


End file.
